I have been spending a lot of time thinking about writing. The craft that is, not the act. Although I spend a good amount of time thinking about the act as well.
For over a year I have been off work and recovering from burnout. Burnout has been very physically and emotionally taxing and I don’t recommend it. As part of my recovery and moving forward, I have been thinking about how to avoid burnout in the future — because I very much never want to do this again.
That means: Who to I want to be? What do I need from work? How do I want to work? What boundaries am I setting?
(You see, I was very bad at setting any kind of boundaries, or turning off, or saying no…)
When I was a kid and they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wanted to be a writer.
Sure, I went through different stages. In Grade 4 I wanted to be an archaeologist and go to Egypt, and for a while I wanted to be a lawyer because my best friend wanted to be a lawyer. At some point I wanted to be a teacher because I think most kids want to be teachers at some point.
But I always wanted to write, and I always did write. Both of my parents were writers, we had books all over our house, and my dad’s house was full of them. Somewhere in the basement I have a copy of a book of poetry about pigs that I write complete with clipart, printed on dot matrix paper.
In high school I was published in the literary magazine and my Grade 12 English Writing teacher told me I have talent. I went to journalism school and I work in communications and words are part of my everyday life.
I started a blog on LiveJournal that became my own website that became a mommy blog and is now whatever this is until I decide different.
But I still want to be a writer.
That is who I want to be. That is what I need from work. I want to spend my days with words, creating documents and stories and building narratives. Copy-editing and making things greater and easier to understand.
I want to do the research and build great arguments.
Do I want to write the great Canadian novel? Of course I do. I want to be defended on Canada Reads. I want to get the book that’s been living in me for decades out. But that is not the most important thing at the top of my list. The most important thing is spending time with pen to paper.
(Yes, analog, I know).
Spending time with other people who love writing. Spending time reading good writing. Spending time reading about writing. Filling myself with ideas and techniques and the warm glow of creativity.
Spending time knowing that I am doing the thing that I am meant to be doing, because it is and has always been the one thing I can’t stop thinking about.