I’ve been feeling something of a sea change. I don’t know if it’s because I’m hurtling towards 42 and Hitchhiker’s Guide affected me more than I thought, or it’s because of the current state of the world.

It’s exhausting being angry so much of the time, and I’m missing out on the things that are good for my health – including regular writing exercise.

I’ve been reading Susan Cain’s book Quiet and I see a lot of myself in her descriptions of introverts or highly sensitive people. It’s been a very interesting and sometimes frustrating book, full of research about the real value of introverts and the perceived importance of being extroverted.

This book, along with a lot of deep thinking, and now, strangely, the 100th anniversary of my high school and a large reunion happening now, have drawn me into myself. In high school I, like most people, was trying to figure out which box I fit in to, how to be happy and how to make my family proud.

Now, approaching mid-40s, I know myself much better, I know that it’s not worth fitting in to a box.

I was recently in Kingston for the Writers’ festival. It’s a great event – they have author events and readings, but they also have writing workshops. I went because I thought it would be a very good thing as I lean back in to one of the things that has mattered most to me in my life.

In the first workshop I attended, the leader asked us to list 10 truths or beliefs and 10 obsessions. And then they asked us to narrow and narrow until we had a top three. It could have been a throwaway exercise, but it brought me back into myself a bit, and when he set us to writing about those things, narrative came easily.

When I sit and think about it, the things that matter do come easily. Who I am is easily shaped in my mind. How I should be that person taking care of those things that matter is the next step.

I had given up on my blog. I stripped out my kid-related content because they deserve privacy. I have to decide what this space is for me. A finding place, perhaps. A thinking place, a sharing place, a place to be frustrated about the news and politics and share the whole story with more information.

Whatever will be, will be.

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