In training

I have a maternity shirt that’s styled like a football jersey and says ‘Mom in training’ on the front. I still wear it to sleep in both because it’s comfortable and because the words still ring true.

In the past year my identity has changed dramatically and I’m still adjusting. I’m a mom now, I’m talking to different women about different issues, I’m spending my day worrying about different concerns, I’m finding myself in a whole new realm of understanding.

It’s a lot to get used to.

I’m not good at making new friends or keeping in touch with old friends. I still speak to one, yes one, person that I knew in high school (and she was my maid of honour), I’m only connected to my college friends on Facebook and of all the jobs I’ve had, I’ve maintained contact with a handful of people. I’m sometimes embarrassed by how small my circle seems to be, though I know that the friends I have those friends that I would do anything for.

But I want to grow new friendships based on this new life I’m starting, and I want her to grow up not so painfully shy.

I want to get out there and do things with other mothers and other babies. I want to get her into some sort of social world so that she gets used to meeting new people and trying new things. I want her to know how to make friends and interact with people. The problem is that I don’t.

Part of me wants to develop a circle of mom friends, and in some ways it should be easy – I’ve been talking to other moms on Twitter and there are two other women in my office who are on mat leave right now – but there is still a part of me that wants to protect myself and my identity. I’m straddling the line between old Amy and new Amy.

I want to jump into the conversation, but I’m afraid of being viewed as that woman who interrupts. I went through the same thing in college. I wanted to share my knowledge and be a part of things, but I came on too strong. I know I can’t wait to be invited, and that sometimes I have something valuable to add… But, but, but

I’m still me, which means I’m still scared. I’m that girl standing in the middle of the classroom who doesn’t know how to walk over to the other girls just to say ‘Can we be friends?’

by AEB on February 17, 2010
filed in Parenting, Personal
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6 ResponsesLeave one →

  1. Some kind of Wondermom

     /  February 18, 2010

    I think once you have kids your circle of friends changes, and the good ones are the ones that stick around. I’ve made friends in the most unlikely places – my weight watchers leader from years ago is a close friend now. I know not everyone is able to jump in and approach a new friend, so I understand your hesitations. There are quite a few moms on Twitter that I have met in person, and they are all really friendly! Don’t be shy! Also commenting on blogs is a great way to get to know people too.

  2. zchamu

     /  February 18, 2010

    Girl? I am SO with you. I don’t know how to make friends. I am so envious of people who can just wander in to a room and immediately be best friends with everyone. I don’t know how to do it. Sigh. I’ll be your friend, though. Are you taking offers from women who haven’t gotten out of their pyjamas or brushed their teeth by 11:30 am, and twitters while she pretends the child isn’t feeding her breakfast to the dog?

  3. AEB

     /  February 18, 2010

    I think that’s exactly the kind of friend I need.

  4. Rebecca

     /  February 18, 2010

    Really great, honest post. I truly believe we can be who we are, we just have to wear different and sometimes many hats at once. This new role will provide many challenges (especially if trying to keep the ‘old’ life perfectly the same) but will bring new joys and experiences never thought possible.

    As for Twitter, jump on in! There’s very few conversations that couldn’t be interrupted a little ;) If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Twitter it’s that people are very friendly and welcoming.

    (I should mention that in real life, I can be quite timid and ‘networking’ stresses me out! Twitter is a wonderful thing for me to participate subtly)

  5. Capital Mom

     /  February 19, 2010

    I am shy, but I push myself to meet other moms because it can be so lonely to be with just the kids all day. I have met some great friends. I have also had to accept some rejection. Some people just don’t like me. Oh well. The good friends make up for the rejections.

  6. Gliding through motherhood

     /  February 28, 2010

    It’s hard isn’t it? Figuring it out. Finding the energy. Taking the leap. Fostering the new friendships. It can seem pretty daunting. And yet you can meet some really great people, so I encourage you to take the leap :)

BlissDom Canada