This fall I started taking voice lessons. It’s something I have wanted to do most of my life, but never wanted people to know it’s something I wanted.
It’s been good, fun some days, but this weekend it was different. This weekend I walked into the room feeling unbelievably uncomfortable in my own skin. I wanted to do anything but warm up. I could have cried I was so scared to just open my mouth.
Even standing alone in a room with a very kind woman who tells me I sound nice.
I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle all the time right now. My daughter is dealing with major anxiety issues and I can’t figure out how to help her.
I’m not eating, sleeping or moving enough or the right ways. I feel defeated, exhausted and often useless.
I want to have moved through this. I want to be in the place where we have found the right solutions. When my daughter is moving through a panic attack I want to give her everything to make it all better, but I can’t. I want to know that I’m making all the right decisions, but I won’t.