I think I’m going to try my hand at NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo again this year.
I think. Because the past few months have been full of surprises. Honestly.
In May we started talking about possibly maybe moving. And then slowly and all of a sudden we sold our house and moved to a new one. Moving was hard on us all.
For the past month I have been doing the job of two people, unexpectedly.
The stress is unbelievable. It all culminated in an incredibly painful reaction in my physical body. My reactions weren’t just physical, either. It felt like I was in a constant rage. Some days I ended up in tears from being so angry.
For a long time the stress was constant and unrelenting. In the past few weeks it has slowed down. There is still stress, but right now it’s manageable. Sometimes, anyway.
Sometimes I feel as though I’m just plodding along. Sometimes it feels like things are starting to settle and I get too comfortable and it all falls out of whack all over again.
This weekend we’re going to New York.
I am excited, but at the same time I’m worried because 1) I’m not too keen on travelling in the States right now (or for the next three years) and 2) I know when we get back next week we might be back to square one on some things.
It’s not fair that the stress jumps in on top of things like this. I want a minute to enjoy ourselves. I want to trust that we will have a good time, a break, some fun. I want to trust that the fears that invade my thoughts are unfounded. I want to believe that there is a way out of all this.
So I will try to write. I will try to take photos, read books, spend time. I will try to relax, take deep breaths, get some fresh air and find my way through November.