It’s been a little over a week now since I did something I never thought I would ever get up the courage to do.
Last Saturday I got up on a stage and I sang in front of a room full of people. Once by myself, twice in groups.
This occurred after a whole week of firsts that all happened when I took a leap and when to grown-up camp.
I almost didn’t sign up, and then I almost backed out. And then I went.
I went and I danced every day. I had healthy lunches. I got to know people I had never met before. We laughed. We played pretend. We sang together. Our leader said we were each on our own journey and it slowly became apparent how true that was over the course of five days.
When I was in elementary school and in love with all things Andrew Lloyd Webber I wanted to take voice lessons, but I didn’t because I didn’t want anyone to know I was taking voice lessons, because then they might think that I thought I was maybe good at something.
Yes. I didn’t do something I wanted to do lest other 9 or 10 year olds think that I had something I was interested in. Because if they knew I cared about something they could use it against me.
I spent 8 years in school with the same people, and then another 7 years with mostly the same people. I felt as though if I even tried to change I would get called out. This may or may not be ridiculous, I’m still not sure.
The fact remains that I’m much more comfortable doing things outside of my comfort zone in front of people who have no preconceived notions of me. In fact, I told almost no one in my life about this camp or the fact that I was attending.
I’m almost 40. I’m pretty open about myself – my life and my feelings. I share my passions and struggles more now that I ever have. But still. I didn’t want to be called out for wasting time and money, energy, to pursue something that means very little, except to me.
And starting next week, I’ll be taking weekly voice lessons. Because I can.