It is the legend of the supermom. She knows all. She can be everything to everyone. She can be everywhere at once.
Except I can’t.
In the middle of working and parenting, and selling a house, and trying to treat myself properly, I tend to fall by the wayside.
I have lost myself in the moment. I’m not sleeping well, not eating right, not exercising, not writing or drawing or knitting or giving myself any kind of outlet at all.
Worrying, almost constantly. Trying to keep everything in balance. It’s not working.
My body hurts. Bad diet, lack of exercise, bad posture will do that.
I feed all of my whims, because it feels like the only way to treat myself. Even though I know it will hurt me later.
Junk food becomes my outlet. Naps. Bad television. Unnecessary shopping. I have all the bad habits.
There are so many things I know I could do for myself that could made things better in the long run, instead of worse, and I ignore them and go for the easiest, shortest term things.
I’m so mean to myself. Cruel for so many years. I have done so much damage.
In the meantime, I am watching some fabulous women I have been lucky enough to get to know find themselves a bit, and have success and push themselves to places I’m scared I’ll never be able to go. It makes me feel broken. What have they figured out that I still haven’t?
There is something. Some blockage. I need to get through this and get past it and get there. Sooner than later.