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You get through it together, or don’t

November 4th, 2017 | Posted by Amy Boughner in Personal

We just had our tenth wedding anniversary. Last night 27 Dresses was on TV and I watched it. Today I picked out a documentary on Netflix, 112 Weddings, by a man who acted as videographer at all these weddings and went back to talk to the people years later about marriage – the reality vs. the wedding.

All of this, along with a Facebook post shared widely about what love really means have sent my thoughts whirling.

My parents split up when I was three years old, and when I was in elementary school it felt like many of my friends parents were getting divorced. Where in kindergarten there were only two of us who came from broken homes, that number kept growing. My godparents got divorced when I was in high school. When my aunt and uncle split I was in my 20s, and I sort of came to the conclusion that all marriages have an expiry date.

There was clearly something special about marriages in my grandparents time. Those marriages seemed to last – my mother’s parents were together over 50 years and the marriage ended only when my grandmother died. My grandfather has kept her picture on his wall ever since. From what I could see he adored her.

But as I got older I started to realize that a lot of people divorce for good reasons, but a lot of people seem to take marriage a lot less seriously than maybe they should. As a child of divorce, it was never a joke to me.

Marriage is not easy, nor am I an easy person, but I did not step into this lightly.

While I am not very good at romance and expressions of love, I am okay at expressions of fondness. While I wonder sometimes whether Joe could be happier without me, I never wonder what my life would be like without him. I know. I am terrified that one day I will have to deal with losing Joe without having Joe to lean on and I’m not sure how I’ll face it.

We are similar in a lot of ways, but also yin and yang when we need to be.

In the documentary there was talk about soulmates. I don’t know about soulmates. I know that there are people in my life I have let go and those I have clung to. I cling to Joe. When there was a fleeting moment of wondering if I should just go for it and invite him over, I made that call. Sometimes I let myself see me through his eyes, and when I do things happen – like I become a mother – and then I can’t imagine life any other way.

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