I have been struggling with a simple question lately. What do I want?

What do I want to be? What do I want to do for a living? The answer always shrinks down to what am I capable of, really. What can I actually do. My brain convinces me that there is little I can ask for – despite all evidence to the contrary.

What do I want?

All I want is for my daughter to be happy. To be healthy. To see me happy and healthy. To be better at seeing herself.

What do I want?

I want to talk to my dad. I want to ask his opinion and get a response. The kind he always used to give. It wasn’t always easy to hear but it was often right.

I want to feel well rested for just one day. I want to see in me what others so clearly see.

I want someone to give me a glimpse just five years down the road so that I have an inkling that I will have answers. I want more than confusion and doubt.

I want to feel good about the things I’ve actually accomplished. I want to sit back and have a little fun. I want there to be moments when the hard work and worry fades away.

So, now, when.

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