We’re away from home this Christmas. First time in several years. There was some talk of celebrating somewhere else last year, but after we lost my dad I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

This year my Gramps is doing poorly, my mom doesn’t want to celebrate much of anything at all. Here we are with my husband’s family.

My intention was to spend this holiday pondering. Coming to terms. Moving forward. Carrying on. Figure out what comes next. Where do I fit in the world.

Turns out that’s pretty tough in a house full of people. Especially stealing your husband away from his whole family that he rarely gets to see.

The kid has been throw off her game, which is tough for all of us. It affects her moods, make her emotional and hyperactive. It puts me on edge, adding a level of stress I was not anticipating.

I had, in fact, not anticipated the amount of stress I would feel in general this Christmas. The way that I would feel so much removed from events. Off kilter. It all makes trying to figure out how to feel good again rather difficult.


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