There is a song in the musical Wicked that spoke to me because it’s something I’ve told myself for a lot of my life.
I’m not that girl.
I went to school with mostly the same people from when I entered JK to when I graduated high school 15 years later. (We had Grade 13). A lot of things I didn’t do, I didn’t do because I felt as though I would get called out on trying to be different. I was in a box, and afraid to break out.
Not just because of my classmates, but also because of my family. There were definitions about who I was and what I was.
I worked for a year after high school and one of my coworkers declared that when I finally moved away for school I was going to go wild. Surprise, I didn’t. But I did become much closer to who I am now.
I like her. Most of the time.
But I’m still in a place where I think if I try to change too much people will notice and it will be embarrassing. If I try to push myself out of my comfort zone people will judge me.
I mean, this is a ridiculous train of thought. I’m in my 30s. Life is too short.