It’s been almost a month since I started back at work and I’m still tired, my face is breaking out, the commute is still rough, and every day, at least once a day, I feel like a complete idiot.
But last week I did the Army Run 5k. I wasn’t sure how it would go, and the first kilometre or so I thought I was going to have to quit. And then I didn’t. And the end was fantastic. Because I finished, I even jogged over the finish line. And it makes me feel really good about the next 5k I’m doing in 9 days.
I believe that if I hadn’t started working, walking a few blocks every morning and again every evening, walking up four flights of stairs to get to the street from my car and up three flights every time I go up to my office, then I wouldn’t have managed that 5k as well as I did.
My feeling like an idiot is made slightly better by the fact that my daughter is being taken care of. She loves school, still, and my husband and I our managing outside school hours with the help of a neighbour mom who has opened her home for us. It is made better by the people I now have the chance to work with and their reassurance that simple mistakes and learning do not make me an idiot.
This has been a hard transition made easier by the community around me. Make harder by my own self-doubt and nasty inner workings.
The first kilometre is rough, and the next one will be a bit better and when I cross the finish line it will feel so good that I’ll be ready for the next one.