I have been mostly unemployed for the past month. I finished my internship and I spent time reading, working on my final project for my Masters and doing some client work. Mostly, though, I’ve been free.
The kid has been in camps almost every week, playing and crafting and being active from 9 to 4.
And we have one car.
So right now, with almost no responsibilities for one parent except the dropping off and picking up of the child, we’re still struggling.
Scheduling seems impossible some days – making sure everyone is where they need to be when they need to be there, getting the kid to bed on time. The worry about what I’m forgetting is near constant.
Should I register for that event and risk not showing up because I’ve missed some step along the way? If I schedule coffee with a friend then I have to have the car and that mean x for Joe and y for the kid…
It’s non stop. And we’re lucky.
We’re so lucky right now that we can afford these camps. We’re lucky that we can live on one salary for the time being. We’re lucky that we have family nearby to back us up in emergencies.
And every day I look at job postings and I calculate the costs of my going back to work in an office. Childcare, a second car, parking. The cost of time and worry – what if she’s sick, what about the commute, what about the after school activities, the cooking and cleaning. How do we get it all done?
The last time I worked I used up all my sick days and all my vacation days and took my daughter to work with me fairly often (thank goodness I was allowed to do that too). My husband travelled, the daycare was only open from 8 to 4, and I worked from 7 to 3. It burned me out, and it cost us a lot of money – $1200 a month for the childcare itself, and extra every time I had to park downtown, the gas money, the burned time.
I am terrified of having to go through that again.
And I’m terrified of not having a job that I love. Work that I live to do.
And I’m terrified of her needing me, and not being able to be there.