Today went south on me. I was doing okay – the kid was at camp, I got some work done, worked on my jigsaw puzzle, took a nap, did some banking, found a recipe to test out on the spaghetti squash I picked up when we grocery shopped yesterday. (I recommend it, but next time we’ll use more cheese and pair it with a caesar salad).
And then, as squash roasted and the kid was tidying her room, pain crept into my chest.
I’ll go to the doctor tomorrow, but I am almost certain it was an attack of the gallbladder. There’s family history, and my weight is a factor. The pain came on quick and was harsh. It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe deeply. I felt nauseous.
It has happened before, I have Googled the symptoms of a heart attack in a woman, I have asked my doctor.
Joe is out of town.
I was standing in my kitchen, in pain, alone in the house with my six-year-old. That is scary. I thought I knew what was going on, but how could I be sure that I wouldn’t end up suddenly incapacitated? If I passed out what would she do? She knows how to dial 911, she’s smart enough to think of running to a neighbour. But panic sets in. Panic and fear.
I tried not to let on that anything was wrong or that I was scared. I knocked things over, a hook fell off a wall. Everything was suddenly more frustrated and harder.
I called my mother.
She came and had dinner with us, the pain subsided, she took the kid out for a while and I tried to relax. I sat out on the balcony and took deep breaths. The pain is faint now.
I am determined to be better for the rest of today and tomorrow. I got on my treadmill, I tidied the kitchen, I made her a lunch and her snacks, a smoothie for the morning. The coffee maker is ready to be turned on. I gathered the garbage from around the house. I took a shower.
I will give myself credit. Tonight I tried something new – a vegetarian recipe for my daughter – and it was good and it was easy. Today I took care of myself, I got some rest, I got some exercise. My daughter is happy and healthy today, safely sleeping in her bed.
Tomorrow will start with a delicious smoothie for her, good coffee and some Shredded Wheat for me. I’ll drop her off for her second awesome day of camp, and come home to a scheduled phone call with a supportive friend. Tomorrow I will go for a nice walk with my puppy and think about the future that is around the corner.