I’m starting to make my way. I’m getting set to finish my classes and move forward into the next part of my life and career. Moving forward generally means thinking about you, Jack, and what it would have been like if you were still with us. How long I would have stayed in my job, where the party would be now and how I would feel about it.

Moving forward also makes me wonder what I will do without the guidance I sought out from you, Dad. And the work you gave me that demonstrated your growing trust. Showing me that you had forgiven the things I failed to do when I was younger and that you knew that I was learning, I am skilled, I am smart.

So now I have to look back for your guidance and example. I have to learn by myself what your could have shown me.

Dad, there are many things about you I don’t want to copy. I will celebrate my birthday this year and I won’t wonder if you’ll forget again. But your career, your love of your work. That is where I want to follow in your footsteps.

But if my family starts to suffer, I choose family.

If you were a little bit proud of me – and I think you were – I can only imagine what you would think of her. She’s so awesome and you only got to know a little bit of that.

I’m thinking of you both and I miss you in very different ways. Jack, I miss you in the world. Dad, I miss you in my world.

Dad Meaghan and Amy Dec 1981 IMG_1517_2

photo 2

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