I used to regularly write to you, Baby Girl, telling you what you’re up to so you can look back and see how amazing you’ve always been, but lately it’s been hard. You are stuck between two places right now, part of you is still my baby girl and part of you is so much more grown up. I can see how hard it is for you sometimes.
You’ve grown taller again, over four feet now, and your face is changing. I can’t explain it. You still look like you, but sometimes not. I can see a grown up kid in that face and it’s so strange. It feels like no time has passed at all. It’s impossible.
You’ll be six soon. I remember being six. I remember Grade 1.
You’re going too fast. And sometimes you can feel it too. Sometimes you still want to just cry or cuddle me or be held.
You have such pride in yourself (and a bit of Daddy’s cockiness) and all the things you can do. You play by yourself now. Sometimes you just go to your room and hang out and entertain yourself and I think back to the times that I wondered if that would ever happen. You just lie on your floor reading a book because you can.
And sometimes you still grab onto me and refuse to let go because you just want Mommy.
And you have this big, huge emotions that I try me best to help you through. You put all of your efforts into feeling the most out of everything, experiencing the biggest of the highs and lows. You’re so mature and then sometimes so not. Everything is hard and then it’s so easy.
But you know what Baby Girl? You are only five going on six. And we have a long time together of more highs and more lows to figure this all out. That’s the silver lining. You may be growing up too fast for me and not quite fast enough for you, but I get to always be here on the sidelines to jump in when you need help.
It’s my job.