I haven’t been posting here as regularly as usual. My brain has been caught up in other things. And not just the assignments that have brought me to the end of the first semester of my Masters degree.
One more semester and then an internship and it’s all done. It seems almost unbelievable, this small journey I’ve been on, and I spend a lot of time (probably too much) thinking about what comes next and what I want.
Because here’s the thing: I’m not a very good partisan. When I worked on the hill I love my job and I was good at it. When I did it during the campaign I proved to myself that I’m still good at it and I still loved doing it. I also proved that when I get my own real income back we’re going to be just fine, which was nice to know too.
But the whole ‘doing politics’ thing I’m not good at. It drives me a bit crazy, actually and I’m a bit tired of the games that go on.
At the same time, working on the hill is a privilege, so I’m struggling with two parts of myself. And, of course, the facts of my resume. People will either make assumptions or they won’t, and I have virtually no say, except that they should please let me prove myself. I am passionate, I love to work and when I take something on I follow through as best I can. That is all.
I want to do something that feels important, I want to come home every day to this face feeling good about the world I’m helping to build.
Going back to school as reinforced my love of politics, my pride in our system and the desire to use the system to do good work. But I didn’t expect to feel so charged and so lost at the same time.
Politics should not be about winning for your party’s sake. It should not be about sticking to your promises to save face even after it’s been made clear that those promises were bad ones to make. It should not be about calling someone out as “flip flopping” when they change their mind because they have more evidence to judge from. It should not be about division and hatred and arguments. It should be about making things better. I want to make things better.
Lord help me, I’m going to make the world a better place.