Don't just live in the world

Dark circles

June 30th, 2015 | Posted by Amy Boughner in Parenting | Personal

Lately I’ve been lying awake at night a lot. Actually, I’ve been staying up late avoiding sleep knowing that when I finally try I’ll lie there, awake.

I’ve got a lot on my mind. Reverberations from my Dad dying; nervous energy and anticipation before¬†school starting in September; desire to have the best summer possible with my daughter because come September I could be very, very busy, at least for 36 days, and then moderately busy for the rest of the year; worried about the weight I’m putting on other people’s shoulders.

And the pain my daughter might feel if I do everything I say I’m going to do. If I understand how important it is, will she understand? Will she be angry but grow to understand?

And how do I not feel selfish trying to take care of myself while getting all this other stuff done for other people?

I lie awake thinking about how I need to get to sleep because if I don’t get sleep then I won’t be able to have the great summer I want my daughter to have. And I lie awake thinking about how exhausted I’m going to be all the time in September and wonder if I’m jeopardizing everything.

And I read all the pre-election crap that’s going on on Twitter and decide I hate politics and I’m wasting my life trying to work with all these heavily partisan people who ignore facts to make a point.

And that’s when I start to wonder if I’m really falling apart, because when I’m in class talking about issues and real change and solutions I’m always on fire. Because I do care, sometimes too much. And I do believe things can be better.

Not only can things be better, they have to be, and we can make them better.

And I see the tireless work some of my friends do and want to be more. And it’s all for her.


I have to believe she knows that, or will understand.


You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 Both comments and pings are currently closed.

Copy Protected by Tech Tips's CopyProtect Wordpress Blogs.