I am a big fan of Rupaul’s Drag Race. I have been a big fan since the first season and I have watched all the seasons (including all episodes of the current season) multiple times. Because of my love for all things Drag Race I also happen to subscribe to the Rupaul Podcast. On episodes of the podcast Rupaul and Michelle Visage talk about a whole lot of different and seemingly disconnected things. They talk about drag and makeup techniques, sometimes they have guests. It’s all interesting, a lot of it is funny. But this week’s episode they answered questions they got in a letter from a listener and a lot of it struck home.
The letter was from a listener who had a lot of friends, but no real, deep friends – those people you can lean on. In response they talk about letting yourself be open and finding your tribe.
I have had a very hard making and keeping good friends in my life. I’m have not been good at staying in touch with people. I spent most of my life assuming that people hung out with me because I happened to be there and were fine never seeing me again.
I still struggle with that – wondering whether people actually want to be my friend, or if they just put up with me. But what I heard in this podcast was something I wish I had known in high school and something that I have to remind myself now: Your people are out there. You will figure yourself out – it may take a long time – and then you will find people who get you, and it will be awesome.
I first found my people in college, and then did a bad job of keeping in touch. Then I found more of my people at university, and through the luck of marrying one of them have managed to hang on to those relationships. And then Twitter and motherhood came along at just the right time. Now I am surrounded by people.
People I can text when I have news that I just have to tell someone who won’t tell everyone else. People who will show up at the visitation before my father’s funeral just because they want to be there for me (and thus make me burst into tears). And since my father died I’ve gotten to know much more about my family tribe, the brother and two sisters I didn’t get to grow up with.
I have people who say ‘anything you need’ and mean it, and I would do the same for them. It’s been worth the wait.