The kid has started an intro to hockey class. She’s gone twice so far and I’ve gone to watch her. Both times I’ve been excited for her and also ended up in tears. And been totally confused by why I was crying.

The first time I thought it was worry – she hadn’t been on skates for about a year and she was falling a lot. I was worried that she would get frustrated and get upset with herself, even though she’s knew at this. I was worried she’d get hurt.

This week we got her out on the ice and she was doing better. She was skating faster and falling less. She was concentrating on the drills the coaches were doing and being very careful about completing them.

And then the tears came again.

I think it’s because she’s out there alone. She’s growing up. I think it’s because we’ve been waiting for this – waiting to see if she would like hockey, wanting her just to try it. It’s partly because the lessons are at the end of a very long day for me – I drop Joe off, have back to back classes then pick Joe up and head home just to leave again.

And part of it, I think, is the fear that she’s just out there because she knows how much we want her to be.

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But at the same time she has a smile on her face while she’s out there. She waves at us and gives us thumbs up, she’s smiling when she comes off and she told all of us that she scored too many goals to count during the mini game at the end. (Every kid got their own puck).

So overall, I guess the tears are tired tears of pride and worry and hope that she’s happy and having fun.

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