Yes, I'm fat
Yes, I’m fat

We have a new gym that just opened not too far from our house. It’s closer than the city gym I had been using and it’s supposed to offer all sorts of classes as well as state-of-the-art equipment. So I signed up with my mom and after it finally opened last week I’ve been trying different classes and testing the equipment.

All of this means that I’ve been doing a lot of laundry and looking around for workout gear I’m comfortable in. I’m not too sure that workout gear exists.

Did you know that finding an appropriate sports bra when your plus-sized and over a D-cup is virtually impossible? (That’s right retailers! Bra sizes go above a double-D!).

And also that looking for said appropriate sports bra leads to trying on a whole lot that don’t fit, don’t cover and aren’t comfortable. The lack of choice is astonishing.¬†Other women get sports bras that fit and hold them, workout wear that makes them feel comfortable. Apparently the size of my breasts makes me not worthy of comfort. Or maybe I’m too large-chested to be working out anyway.

This is what I’m left feeling: I’m too big to be going to the gym, I’m too disgusting to deserve appropriate workout attire. I should not be allowed to be comfortable because I don’t fit the standard. Every time I try on a sports bra that doesn’t fit I feel like the hugest person in the world.

The thing is, when you’re joining a gym everything is already new to you, and it’s already hard. I went to a step aerobics class and the teacher was speeding through things and naming the next move as though I should just know what we were doing and how to do it.

In a situation that’s already overwhelming, I just want to have as much control as I can, and sometimes it feels like I’m not afforded that because I’m fat.

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