I’ve talk to a few women about their journeys to being healthy and read a lot of those success stories and it seems like they always start with a moment when they realized they needed to turn things around.
Today I went to the doctor to talk to her about my health. I’ve been sick basically since Christmas – flu, colds, sinus infection, pink eye – feeling tired and crappy a lot of the time. I went to get some advice on nutrition and maybe on fitness, trying to head in the right direction.
Really I sat there telling her all the things I know I’ve done wrong, the excuses I make for myself, the things I’m afraid of while she listened and told me what should be common sense. It is going to be hard, there’s no way around it. I am going to struggle, I am going to have to push myself physically and mentally. I am going to face tests.
The appointment started in an unexpected way though. Knowing I was there for a nutrition/health check up they weighed me before I saw the doctor.
I had an idea of what I weighed, but the doctor’s scale is different. The doctor’s scale told me that I weigh 245 lbs.
I was totally taken aback. That was twenty pounds more than what I’d been seeing at home. On my home scale I hit 230 and I thought there could be no way. I never thought I would hit 250 lbs. Never. I am not that out of control. I’m not sedentary. I’ve been trying.
I was totally devastated.
Now, 12 hours later, I have to wonder if this is the point. That point that I tell people about in the future when I’m back on track, when I’m at a healthy weight and I feel fit.
There are things I have to do now. I threw out the Easter chocolate I had, I got a healthy dinner ready, I got on the treadmill and pushed myself tonight. I talked to my mother and my husband about the changes I need to make.
I have a gym membership, I have a support system, I have motivation.
And I’m terrified. I’m scared of failing. I’m scared of not being able to figure it out. I’m scared of hurting myself.
I’m so tired of over-thinking instead of just doing what I have to do. Because I have to. I’ve got a little girl who’s going place and she’s not slowing down.