A year ago I spent the day watching the news and crying. I heard there was yet another school shooting in the US, then I saw a tweet that told me the shooting had happened in an elementary school.

My daughter by my side I sent my husband a message. An elementary school. What new horror was this?

At first there was disbelief and then the news got worse and worse as the day went on. My mother got home and I wept trying to explain to her what was happening. It was totally beyond comprehension.

It’s been one year.

I haven’t thought about Sandy Hook much in the last year. It’s too big to really think about.

I’ve been sad, I’ve been outraged, but the thing is I have no control. It’s not my country, it’s not my town. I live somewhere else and I feel lucky that this debate has mostly been had, that I can feel mostly safe here.

I hope that I will only ever be able to empathize with the parents of those children who died at Sandy Hook Elementary. I try, but I don’t think anyone can ever really understand.

I feel angry that nothing has changed, that countless other children have died since then, I feel rage, but it can’t compare even a tiny bit to what those 26 families must feel. And the family of 173 other children killed by guns since.

I have never owned a gun, never held one, never been near one that wasn’t holstered to a police officer. I have no desire to and I have no understanding of people who believe it is their right to own a weapon that can kill so many in so little time or people who believe that right is worth more than the lives of little kids. I just don’t. I can’t.

Rest in peace little children.

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