It’s now two years since the day we lost you. Last year I noted that it seemed like such a long and sort time, now it seems like it’s been forever.

I still have your cell number saved in my phone. I doubt I’ll ever delete it, and I’m not even sure why.

Days like this I wonder if there will ever be a time when I don’t think ‘what if.’ My mother asked me not too long ago if I thought I would still be working full time if you were still alive. There is little doubt in my mind.

It’s been just over a year since I left work to be home with my daughter and take care of her, our family and myself. It was hard to leave that team that you built. The people you placed in that office were truly great, and they hired great people and it was so very hard to tear myself away, but things were so much harder without you. We were already struggling with the unexpected growth and we suffered the most terrible blow.

Now I’m firmly entrenched in this new life I’ve created – mothering, working from home, taking care of our new home. I worry that I’m disappointing people who built up my confidence, but at the same time I think you would understand my priorities and that gives me peace.

It’s so hard sometimes. Being a mother is wonderful and brutal, highs and lows. Like politics, almost.

Sometimes I deeply miss being so connected to a cause, so aware of current events and politics.

I’ve been in Toronto twice recently, passing Danforth, seeing Roy Thomson Hall. It’s impossible to be in that city without missing you. I’ll be back in October for the Blissdom conference and I’ll try to express some of the confidence that your people built up in me, the belief that you demonstrated.

Don’t let them tell you it can’t be done.


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