The Bloggess tells me all the time, depression lies, and on days like today I have to remind myself. Today was not a good head day. I didn’t get enough sleep last night and the sleep that I did get didn’t seem too effective. I didn’t feel like a very good mom, I couldn’t keep up with the kid and it all took its toll.
When depression lies to me it always attacks in my most painful place – that I don’t deserve this wonderful child I’ve been given.
Today, driving to return library books, listening to the radio, a thought struck me that has struck before…
When children die, they always seem to be the best of us, the most wonderful, the good ones, too good to be true. On my bad days I can’t picture my daughter grown and depression tells me that this is because she won’t grow. She is the best of me. I imagine losing her and not being able to see what she is supposed to become.
So tomorrow I have to have a better day, and I have to enjoy every moment with her and I have to spend some time reminding myself the depression lies.