Right after the kid was born I went out for roller derby. I went to one session and got a high. It was wonderful to be in a gym with women of all shapes and sizes, all different skill levels.
I ordered skates, and then something happened, I still don’t know what. I quit.
Last year I tried again. I went to the first session and I couldn’t hack it. We were dropping and getting back up and I couldn’t lift my body weight. I quit again.
A little while ago Jordan started talking about these quad skating sessions. I wanted to go, but there was this fear.
Fear of embarrassing myself, of hurting myself, of not being able to do it. Failing. Quitting again.
On Tuesday I wasn’t going to go. I was going to flake again. I was going to skip it and make excuses. And then Lara and Jordan both asked me if I would be there. They did just the right amount of pushing. (Jordan said it would be blog fodder, so here I am, blogging). I started getting angry with myself.
I decided that I couldn’t do it again. I said I was going to try. I was going to try.
I got changed, got in the car.
And by the end of the hour, despite a few breaks, I felt awesome.
I wasn’t embarrassed. I didn’t hurt myself. I certainly didn’t fail.