Today I got very angry. Another day of taking my daughter to a class, another day of her total refusal to participate and her desire to only be with me, on my lap.

It took almost an hour in traffic to get there. To get her to this class we paid for.

I told her this time we weren’t leaving, so if she wasn’t going in to her gymnastics then she could sit and watch the whole class with me. At one point she said she’d try, but when we got to the door she said she didn’t and when her teacher saw us and waved she ran away.

I was so frustrated. So mad. I tried to step away to catch a breath, but she wanted to come with me. I picked her up and placed her with Grandma and walked away. After getting a good rant in on the phone to my husband, I went back and sat down and was quiet until she said she was ready to try again. When I told her that it was too late, her class was over, she didn’t have another chance, she started crying again.

I try to be understanding and calm and collected. I try to be supportive – not putting too much pressure but pressuring a little bit.

I was a quitter.

When I was a kid I would sign up for classes and just stop going. Not that I’m very good at sticking with things these days.

I sign her up for things because I regret, and I enjoy watching her try all sorts of different things. I don’t ever want her to wonder whether she would have liked something if she had only just tried.

So where does it end? Do I stop signing her up for things or do I push a little harder?

Because of the daily frustration and the whining and tantrums, because of the stress and anxiety it causes for me, I have given up on things. We don’t try to leave the house, we don’t see other people, I don’t play. I don’t talk. Day after day we just are, together.

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