Last week I went spinning. It seemed like something that would be good for me. When I finished the class it felt great. At the beginning of this week I went into the weight room for the first time since I found out I was pregnant. Yesterday I took the kid swimming.

Last night I couldn’t sleep. The dog has been acting strangely, including peeing on our bed last night. After tossing and turning for a while I decided to just sit up and get some work done, so I was awake from 4 until 5, and then again just before 7 when the kid decided she was ready to be up. After she left for her day of daycare with Daddy, I slept again until past 11. So half an hour before today’s beginner spinning class I woke up with a headache and an empty stomach.

I had big plans for the day, I was going to do spinning again and I was going to venture out roller skating tonight and I was going to end the day feeling good about myself again. I missed spinning, the weather – and fear – is deterring me from roller skating, and around noon I was feeling totally craptastic.

This is the cycle. I get a good start, I falter and I set myself up for failure.

I promised myself. I have weight to lose, I have to get healthier and more fit. I have a little girl that needs me to keep up with her. I have work to do that needs a clear mind. This is not happening this time.

This time I win.

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