I was totally taken aback by what becoming a mother did to me. I had heard, of course, about the love you develop for your child, but I didn’t know if that was the stuff I was made of. I was terrified that I wouldn’t love her enough and she would know it and I would know it. I was afraid that we would have an uncomfortable relationship and I would always be the lesser parent, sticking on the sidelines, trying to at least resemble a mother.
Then she arrived and I don’t know exactly when it happened but she took me over. Completely.
There were times when all I wanted was for someone else to hold her for a little while, for someone to give me a break for a bit, but as soon as that happened I missed her and desperately wanted her back. There have been moments in the past three years when I have cried for the simple fact that I was so totally overwhelmed by her and the love I was feeling.
I have never read a description that total made sense of how I feel about being a mom until I was reading Caitlin Moran’s description in How to be a Woman. I am really, truly enjoying this book. I’m enjoying her chapter about the fact that being a mother is not something any woman should do just because she’s a woman too, but when she talking about being a mother she was speaking directly to me: