A friend sent me a link to this blog post, all about a woman’s struggles with PCOS and how she finally figured things out. The facts are: 1) Her symptoms were worse than my have ever been and 2) Her highest weight is just about what I weigh now.
I am as fat as I have ever been. I am tired most of the time and I am intimidated by the amount of work I have to do. Everything is a struggle all over again. I was my healthiest at 19. At 23 I knew something was wrong and at 24 I was diagnosed with PCOS. Now I’m 31 and I’m experiencing symptoms that I know are connected to my hormones.
I am fully aware that exercise and a better diet could completely change my life. I am also terrified of doing that work and failing again. It’s so hard getting back on the treadmill and realizing that you’ve allowed yourself to get back to step 1.
Before PCOS I didn’t have any major body image issues, in fact I’m pretty sure that I see myself as smaller than I actually am. But this stupid disease.
I wonder if people notice my weight, my big belly, the chubbiness in my face. I wonder if they see the little hairs growing from my chin – a result of too much testosterone.
Now I have to wonder if I’m heading towards a stroke or a heart attack like my grandmother had, circulation issues, diabetes, early death all because it was too hard to change.