We touched down, back in Ottawa, on Thursday afternoon. It was a long flight back to reality after days spent as a family, playing in the water and breathing in the sea air. Eating seafood for dinner and ice cream for dessert.
It is nice to be back at home, in our own house with our loving puppy dog. It’s nice to get back to normal.
But there was so much we were not thinking about while we were on the coast. In May we started an experiment that was supposed to make life easier but it seems almost harder at times. I need more work, the kid needs more interaction, we need better planning and a better budget.
It’s starting to feel like the experiment is failing, but I can’t let that happen. As hard as things are, they are so much better sometimes. There is a freedom that I’m not willing to give up. There is time that I won’t lose.
And sometimes it strikes me that it’s just not fair. I am at home, earning what I can and doing what I can for our household and our daughter, and my husband is commuting and working and travelling and seeing her less and less it seems. I don’t know how to fix this imbalance. I don’t know how to make it easier. I don’t know why I count more than he does.
And so we continue forward, finding our way in the dark.