I love working. I put my soul into my work. I love gathering information and figuring things out. I love feeling accomplished at the end of the day.

I’ve had a few different jobs and some of them seemed like tests. I’ve had great bosses and bad bosses. I’ve had some wonderful coworkers.

And then there are the people that I can just never figure out. You wonder how they got the job and how they keep it. You wonder if they actually do any work at all in a day. You wonder if you’re crazy because there’s no way management doesn’t see the incompetence.

Often you wonder how you and this person ended up in the same place.

You see, I care about my work. It’s a part of me. I dedicate myself to it and I stress over it. I try to give more than what’s asked. I want people to see me as smart and a hard worker, dedicated and passionate.

When I see someone else who doesn’t give a damn, who puts in a half effort most days, who doesn’t learn from their mistakes or get embarrassed when they’re pointed out, I wonder if it’s all worth it.

I have spent so much of my life looking for jobs. I kept a list of all the jobs I applied for after I got my diploma and I think it tops 60. When I graduated from university it took four months to find a new job. Some people seem to have it so easy.

And I spend too much time wondering why I don’t know the right people and I don’t get the breaks and when is it going to start being easy for me. Sometimes I slog through and it feels as though I’m paying the price for something though I’m not quite sure what.

Today I was told that Care2 Causes is going through some changes and they won’t need as many bloggers. I was disappointed to lose the income, certainly I was, but my second thought was that I lose the writing and the digesting and analyzing politics.