Since I’ve had jobs, they have almost always been part of who I am. When I’m working I dedicate myself to it, I identify with it. It’s one way that Joe and I are totally different people. The source of my income is ingrained in me, while the source of his is a job. While he usually loves what he does, it doesn’t take away any of his life. At the end of the day, no matter what job he’s doing, he has a home and a wife and a daughter and a dog and lots of other things to think about.
I don’t find it quite so simply to separate the things at home from the things at work. I think it’s part of what burned me out last year.
Right now I’m struggling. I have work – paying work – and I’m a full time mother which is harder than any job I’ve ever done. (There is so much up in the air, so much planning and scrapping plans, so many frustrations – hers and mine).
I strive to do things at work. Every turn my career took I mapped out the future. When I was a sports journalist I had a grand plan to work and save up and then travel. I wanted to spend a year in Belfast and write a book. (Writing a book has been a constant, actually).
One of my goals on my bucket list reads “make a name for myself in my industry.” It would, of course, be helpful if I knew what industry that was.
So now I’m here, wondering who I will be a few years down the road.
I love being a mother to my daughter. I adore her and I am fascinated by her and she entertains me non-stop. But I need to be my own person as well. I need something that is me that’s not her.
So for a little while I’ll be swimming around looking for me, with a few distractions.