I went to see an acupuncturist today. I talked to him about all my various issues, which was actually nice. He thinks he can help.

I don’t know what kind of magic I was expecting, but I feel the same, my back still hurts, but I’m going back on Tuesday. I’m almost worried that I don’t believe in it enough to have it work for me.

He did talk to me about my diet. My doctor has talked to me about my diet, the last time I saw my endocrinologist she talked about my diet. Eliminating sugar, processed foods, smaller portions, more of the good stuff, less bread.

What is it going to take for me to get it into my head that nothing is going to change unless I change drastically? The older I get and the bigger I get the harder it’s going to be to make any significant change – and significant change is what’s required here.

The truth is, of course, that I’m terrified. I’ve always been this way, I don’t know how to change and food is about pleasure and I’ll miss it and it’s too hard.

I do take pleasure in some of the things I eat. I take pleasure in cooking and baking. The problem comes when I eat like I’m never going to get the chance to eat that thing again. The fact is that I take more pleasure in watching my daughter grow and change than any kind of chocolate or pastry I could find. Do I want to give myself cancer or a heart attack? Do I want her to look at me and know that I’m not comfortable in my own skin?

I need a stern talking to.

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