I’m having a down day. It’s been quiet around here and I was exhausted this morning after getting up with the kid at 5:30, but we got some baking done and she was in good spirits.

I was feeling teary for no real reason, over-thinking things. I’m tired and Joe’s sister joined us for a visit today, which is great since they don’t get to see each other very often and she’s only met the kid once, but it’s hard to think about yet another week of not normal after all Joe’s traveling.

I took a nap and felt less exhausted upon waking, and then I had some time to work when Joe and the kid went off to the airport. Once they got back we headed out to the Stittsville Canada Day celebration. It took a long time to convince the kid to get into her car seat, even though she had said she was excited to go. Once we arrived she was happy. There were activities for kids, and my little girl certainly seemed to enjoy herself.

We weren’t there very long, we had to come back and make dinner, which I had done all my preparations for already, but the kid just wasn’t right. She kept freaking out about all these little things. Every thing was a fight or a tragedy. I don’t know if it was the sun or maybe she didn’t sleep well or what, but it certainly made things difficult when I already wasn’t feeling quite right.

Tonight I sat in bed, watched some of the Canada Day celebrations on CBC and felt the same blah, teary and sort of sad but not for any real discernible reason. Then it occurred to me – Canada Day is my favourite day of the year. I love it. I love this country and I love being Canadian. Today, I didn’t almost nothing to celebrate my country.

I didn’t wish anyone a happy Canada Day, I didn’t watch the noon show from the Hill, I didn’t get to see the Snowbirds fly over our house like we always could when I was a kid, and we knew well in advance that we weren’t going to try to go down to the Hill today. Not with a toddler, not after last year. (Big, royal watching crowd insanity).

I’ve only missed being on the Hill four times since high school. (One of those times was the only time I’ve missed Canada Day in Ottawa, when I was living in Alberta). It’s a wonderful place to be and I have great memories of the celebrations. And this year I missed the day fully and completely.

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