A day that involves me crying in a parking garage while my toddler screams at me from the backseat.
It’s been a difficult week. We had a busy weekend and no real plans for the week following, so it may have been a letdown for the kid, or maybe we’re just all tired. Daily tantrums and her constant need to be with me were wearing me down all week.
I’m good at dealing with the tantrums, I know how to handle them and we get through them and we’re friends again. The grabbing onto me and begging me not to leave is much harder. On Thursday she didn’t even want to let me shower – she grabbed my hands and told me not to go.
On Friday morning we went out to breakfast and we were fine. We came back home and we were fine. We went out again to run some errands and she screamed and cried until she was red in the face, and hit the window and kicked the door because Grandma went in the store and we stayed in the car. She settled. We went into Michael’s and Grandma told her she would have to ride in the cart, which she resisted, but did. We were okay.
We went to pick up my grandfather and stopped at the bank – all good. We drove down to Glebe and went for ice cream (Have you tried the marble slab ice cream place in the Glebe? You should) and all was well with vanilla and sprinkles.
I knew she was tired and opted to drive downtown hoping she would fall asleep, my mother remembered that she and Gramps needed to go into City Hall to the government services centre. I went and parked, we went upstairs, everything was fine. Then she started squirming, and demanded to be carried instead of walking or sitting on a chair. Then all hell broke loose.
It was the first time I’ve tried to give a time out outside of the house. I just kept putting her back in the chair. I pulled out my Supernanny skills – I got down to her level and talked to her. We calmed down. She declared she wanted to go to the car, we left my mother and grandfather to finish their business and went to the car. She got into her seat just fine. We talked for a while. She asked for a diaper change, and that went well. She got back into her seat.
I can’t pinpoint exactly where everything went to shit, but it was right after everything seemed okay.
Suddenly she was screaming and crying and I thought she was going to make herself sick or hurt herself. Suddenly she was repeated the same things over an over and I knew she was tired because she started yelling things that didn’t make sense. She wouldn’t stop, I was at a loss about what to do, and I didn’t know how long we would be waiting.I realized I was yelling at her. I don’t usually yell at her. I’ll yell stop when she’s about to do something that might get her hurt, but I was raising my voice when I usually lower it to try to maintain my cool and calm her down.
Something about this week made me go off the rails.
And then I started crying.