I’ve been working from home on a few different things for almost a month now. It was easy enough to adjust to no commute, to not having to rush to get dressed in the morning, to settling down to breakfast and going through my day on my laptop. It hasn’t been easy getting through every day and sometimes it’s hard to get any work done because the kid wants to be entertained.

I’ve been able to cook dinners almost every night, I have the time now, and the kid helps me – or tries to.

It’s hard not to be afraid that I’m not doing enough of anything. I’m not paying enough attention to her because I’m trying to get work done and I’m not getting enough work done because she’s taking my attention away from it. Sometimes she’s awesome and some days she’s constantly needy – basically, she’s two.

Joe has traveled for work three times since I stopped working, and it’s been easier to get through it, not having to worry about getting her to daycare, getting to work myself, getting us both fed, doing bedtime on my own.

But days like last Friday are the reason I left my job.

On Thursday the kid had a total breakdown. She was angry and sad and crying and kept saying nonsensical things and stringing thoughts together as reasons she was mad and crying. Joe was away and couldn’t help, couldn’t even understand what was happening because I’d never seen her that way before. This went on for so long I thought she was going to make herself sick. It all started because she had wanted to go swimming and I told her there it was too late. Eventually my mother and I got her calmed down, and we set up the kiddy pool in the backyard for a little while and I promised her that we would go swimming tomorrow.

So Friday morning, we got up and had breakfast and played for a while, and then we went swimming, and after swimming, we picked up Grandma and went to see the movie Pirates! and she got to have popcorn.

It was a really good day.

It was something I never could have taken a day off to do, because it always seemed as though I was out of time to take.

There are plenty of kinks to work out, there is a ball dropped every day, and there will always be times when I feel like I’m doing that when I should be doing this, but I have a happy healthy kid and the gift of time.

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