One of the hardest things about failing in my weight loss is starting over again from a higher number. Sometimes I’m angry and sometimes it all feels pointless because this is where I end up every time I try.

Today my daughter had soccer. We have her in a soccer and T-ball class for the summer, and gymnastics in July and August and I’m hoping to enroll her in dance in the fall. I try to have her in one activity all the time to help us get some of her energy out, I also like to have her try different things so she can find something she really likes.

This morning we told her that it was Saturday and we were going to a birthday party and then to soccer and she was excited. We had a good time at the party, we said thank you and goodbye to our friends and we drove back to our end of town for soccer. We got there early, we got her changed into shorts and a shirt, and played for a while in the park next to the field. When we told her it was time to stop playing on the structure she didn’t want to go. She cried when I picked her up and buried her face in my shoulder and told me she didn’t want to do soccer.

I told her that she had to do five minutes and if she still wanted to go, we would go. I told her to try it and if she still didn’t feel like playing in five minutes we could stop.

What happened? She ran and ran, and kicked the ball, and laughed and had a big smile on her face almost the whole time. She didn’t do every activity or listen to every instruction, but in the end she finished the whole class and had what seemed like a lot of fun.


Why don’t listen to my own damned advice? Why can’t I take care of myself as well as I take care of her?

I make sure she gets enough sleep, even driving around to try to get her to nap. I stay up too late even though I know I have to wake up around 6 am. I make sure she has a decent breakfast. This morning I didn’t have anything but coffee until 10:30 in the morning. I make sure she has fun and gets enough exercise and I push her when she’s not quite in the right mindset. And I sit at my computer most of the day, afraid to push myself in a lot of ways. I let her have treats once in a while and say no to her when I don’t think she needs the sugar and I snack on crap when I’m alone in the evening.

Why is it so much easier to take care of her than take care of me? And what can I do to make the changes necessary so we can both be taken care of?

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