Yesterday I had a bad day. I screwed up my shoulder again on Tuesday and I couldn’t move around much, I couldn’t play with the kid like she wanted to play. I was in a bad mood feeling fat and rotten and tired.
I felt like I’m at the beginning again and I’m never going to have the strength to start over. I felt broken. Like I’ve screwed over my body so many times that it’s not going to let me do it again.
I went to see my doctor and talk through everything, she had some suggestions on slow starts, some things I have to realize, and some ways I have to push myself.
When I got home I was feeling a bit better, but then I was playing with the kid in the back yard and she tackled me and I screwed up my back again. Another evening spent in bed, another night wondering if I’ll ever really be okay again.
This morning my mother took the kid with her on a road trip. The house to myself. I did some tidying and some real cleaning, I got some work done and then I took the dog out for a walk.
It’s a beautiful day in Ottawa. The sun is shining and in this neighbourhood we have birds all around us. There is a path behind some of the houses that I like to take Henry along. Fresh air and bright sunshine can turn all sorts of things around.
A walk is the first step to more exercise.
I can be fixed.