Being a working mother is hard.
I have been back at work for less than a year and it all started out really well. We had routines, we were getting dinner on the table and getting the kid into bed, I was getting exercise and it was fun being at work, surrounded by adults.
At some point I got derailed.
I took stress leave in August – at the same time my daughter decided to stop sleeping – and I went back to work feeling the same, if not worse. I’ve been falling towards total burnout for months now. It’s hard to get out of bed every morning. It’s hard to play with my kid when I’m exhausted. After she goes to bed I rarely do anything.
I’m tired of it. I’m tired of forcing myself out of bed into the cold, sitting at a computer all day while my kid plays with someone else. We love our daycare provider and she loves our child but… I don’t know what.
Part of me thinks I would be so much happier at home, taking on contracts when I can, doing work I enjoy doing and spending time with my kid. Part of my is completely terrified that I wouldn’t be able to handle it – she’s a toddler. Toddlers have mood swings and temper tantrums and there are days when it just doesn’t stop. She can be totally exhausting, but one hug and it’s all worth it somehow.
I need to take a breath and decide and jump in.
I would love to be in a position to have Amy at home. She’s so great with the kid and I know it would be good for both of them – kiddo gets a loving, nurturing Mom at home, Amy gets to step back a bit and figure out what comes next in her career while working on enough contracts to keep her connected to the work world.
I know she has her reservations but after watching her thrive during her mat leave I have no such reservations.
We’re not there yet, financially, but we’re close.