Yesterday I got out of bed, brushed my teeth and started getting dressed – and then I woke up and realized that none of that had actually happened yet.
I am terrible at going to sleep, I always have been. Much like Brie, I’ve always known that something more exciting was happening outside my subconcious. This means that I am also very bad at getting up in the morning. This is especially true in the winter when it’s dark and everything is much colder than my warm, cozy bed.
(Luckily I am also very low maintenance so I got up, dressed and out the door with breakfast and lunch in my work bag in 15 minutes).
I am worn down. Lack of morning light (and no window in or near my office) is wearing me down. Being chilled on my walk to the bus and sweaty on the bus and then chilled on my walk to the office is frustrating. Being out of the house from 6 am to around 4:30 pm is exhausting. We get home, we get dinner made and entertain the kid. We eat and clean up and try to get the kid into her pajamas with no fuss.
And by the time she’s asleep I’m ready to sleep too, but I don’t because I want time. More than anything else I want time because all I have are thoughts running through my head and no time. There is so much to think about and so much to do that I’m not doing anything.
I need to do something, because I know there are things I can do, but first I need to stop and take a few deep breaths. It’s been too long since I’ve had an emotional or mental break.