Maggie has a swollen eyelid today. It’s been this way since she woke up from her nap yesterday. We’re not entirely sure what’s causing it, and it seems to be itchy but not painful. We called Tele-health Ontario and the nurse didn’t seem too concerned, but told us to call back if it got worse, if she started showing other symptoms or if it was still this way after three days.

She has also started biting her nails. I thought that was the case, and I called my mother to see how old I had been when I started and she said I was really little. Maggie’s hands seem to be constantly in her mouth and I haven’t had to cut her nails for a while. As a result of biting her nails she has little red scratches on her chin and cheeks.

She also had trouble sleeping this week, so for a few days her eyes were sunken and she had dark circles.

And I found myself worried that she will be going through life with little scars all over her face or a permanently droopy eye and it bothers me more than I’d like to admit. She really is beautiful. She’s beautiful and smart and nice (most of the time) and she could have anything in the world she sets her mind on. But what if she develops one of those flaws that makes people judge her on looks rather than the person she is?

I know there is so much to overcome as it is, being a woman, being genetically at risk for depression – and she’s already taking after me by biting her fingernails.

I know she’s going to have scars, I know she’s going to hurt herself every now and again – certainly if she takes after me since I am not the most coordinated of people. I want her to take risks and not worry about falling down. Will this fear of her doing permanent damage keep coming back? Am I going to stop her from having fun because I keep telling her to be careful?

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