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Tears and sadness

September 25th, 2011 | Posted by Amy Boughner in Personal | PPD

The very worst times of my life are those times when I have sat with my baby girl in my lap, weeping and apologizing to her.

It has happened three or four times, when I’m at the end of my rope and everything seems to be going wrong.

I cry and cry and can’t stop myself, and I apologize to her because she shouldn’t have to see me like that, she shouldn’t think at any point that she’s the one making me sad.

There has been no worse time in my life than when I go to see my baby girl because she is the one person that can make me happy all the time, no matter what, and when I sit with her I can’t help but cry because life is overwhelming me.

Some of my very worst moments are sitting in the dark holding my baby girl while she cries and cries and I can’t figure out what’s wrong with her. I hold her in my eyes and try everything I can think of to calm her but nothing works. I think of how tired I am and what I’m going to do if I can’t get her to stop.

Some of my very best moments are just sitting and watching my baby girl. Some of my very best moments are lying in bed and listening to her talk to herself or sing to herself over the monitor.

Some of my very best moments are when she calls for me and I can make it better.

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