I’m single parenting again for a few days this week. Hate it. It’s hard to get everyone ready for the day with no one to tag team with, it’s hard to wake up to a crying baby and know it must be your turn because there isn’t anyone else.
It reminds me what my mother did for me.
This morning I got myself ready, got the baby up and fed her, got the dog out to the backyard before there were any accidents, I got my lunch made, everything was as smooth as it could be. Until I forgot her milk and snacks for day care and didn’t realize it until I was arriving at her day care and ended up late for work and nearly got side-swiped by a woman who failed to shoulder check, but that’s not what this is about.
Today as I was driving her to day care, as I looked back at her – so big in her car seat, so talkative all the time, so happy most of the time – today my heart didn’t want me to drop her off, didn’t want me to go to work, my heart wanted me to take that little girl someplace where we could sit together and play and talk and cuddle.
Today is was hard for me to drop her off. It’s not usually hard. She’s happy to be there and her provider loves having her. She’s well fed, she plays all day, she has friends. I have things to do at work that are occupying my time but that could be a great learning experience and a good tool for my coworkers. I’m taking French training for the next two weeks, which will hopefully make me comfortable enough to speak a bit at home and help her become bilingual.
We both had good days today, but for the first time in a long time my heart yearned for a day together, just the two of us, me watching her grown and play and learn and just breathing her in for a little while. She’s getting so big.