I’m sad. I’m so sad right now that even a great big hug from two chubby little arms that feels better than any hug you’ve ever had can’t even break this mood.
I think this sadness stems from being tired. Even during nights that the kid doesn’t wake up I still do.
I feel teary. Little things affect me more than they should – Listening to my husband trying to convince the baby to just go to sleep, the fact that we were out of milk this morning. Two days ago I wound up sobbing because the baby was refusing to go to sleep, standing in her crib screaming and I just couldn’t go in to see her.
I’m frustrated and tired and sad.
It’s not just tired, it’s tired of feeling this way. It’s angry that after a few days of doing things maybe not right but better I feel so worn out. It’s been a week since I had a pop, I’ve only eaten homemade cookies in terms of sweets this week, I’ve been taking the stairs at work at least once a day. I’ve gotten on the treadmill a couple of times. I’ve worked my way through a to do list. I started a book that I’m really enjoying. I’ve been writing more and extending myself in ways I wouldn’t have been comfortable with in the past.
But when I sit and it’s just me and my brain and my body I don’t feel much good about anything.