I’ve been feeling many things lately – tired mostly, but thoughtful, and anxious and quite often teary. Always, seemingly, on the verge of tears but never quite able to express why or get the emotions out.
And then today, quite surprisingly and all of a sudden, the floodgates opened at M’s last swimming lesson, after reading a short email from my father-in-law.
We try to send the family pictures as often as we can, so they can see the baby – now this little girl – growing up from far away. So they can see all the things we do with her and all the things she’s learning. The other day I sent this picture:
The email I got back told me, in simple terms, that my daughter was God’s gift to me for being the person that I am.
Now God and I have no special relationship. I was baptized Anglican when I was a child, but I don’t have a lot of faith in faith. I can’t say I’m atheist because I believe in fate to a certain extent – Joe was my fate. I believe in angels, I believe my grandmother watches over me. I believe in ghosts. But I don’t know about this God and his rules.
That being said, my in-laws are Catholics. They go to church and they follow their faith. They are accepting and wonderful and take strength in their faith and I love them all the more for it. So to have my father-in-law tell me that he believes that his God – no matter my feelings – still loves me, and loves me enough to give me this wonderful girl, that means something truly, truly special.