In a few days it seems likely that my work will completely take over my life. We’re talking 14 hour days with an hour-long commute at either end. Thinking about work when I’m not at work.
The last time I went through this – an election campaign – it almost killed me. I had been working 12 hour days for over a month at a by-election and then came back home and started in on 14 hour days for another month and a half. It’s constant, stressful, tiring. I basically worked and slept.
And now I get to do it all again with a kid.
I cannot begin to express how scared I am to have to leave the house before she wakes up and get home after she’s asleep. To know that if I get a day off, I will have a hard time keeping up with her because I’ll be so drained. I’ve been doing alright being back at work, normal days, seeing her in the morning and the evening instead of all day every day, but this?
I cannot begin to express how much I will miss her.
I’m also worried. She and I? We’re a team. We play together, we make plans, we talk, we read, we walk, I push her just a bit further than her daddy does. I can read her emotions, I can calm her down.
I’m her mommy.
For almost 2 months she’s not really going to have a mommy and she’s not going to understand what’s going on.
The work I do is important. I feel good about it. If she were older and I explained she would understand that mommy is trying to make sure this country is a great place to live, but she’s 14 month old and she only knows that I’m not there.