Someone asked me last week how I felt about turning 30 – which I do today. The implication seemed to be that it should bother me to be reaching this milestone in my life. The big 3-0 as they say.
The fact is that I’m not bothered at all.
If you had told me six years ago that I would turn 30 with a degree, great job, great husband, a good dog and a lovely daughter I wouldn’t have believed it. Six years ago I was in my first year of university, Joe and I were friends but nothing more (it would be another month or so before we started dating), I was hoping to finish my degree and after that, I had no idea what I would be doing. Six years ago it was just before everything started falling into place, and here I am at the other end.
Life is good. I just finished a great year off with my wonderful little Maggie, I’m back at work being challenged all the time. There are stresses, but we get through them together. Through the magic of Twitter I’ve made some great friends and I get to attend great events with those friends. In the past year or so I’ve started taking more chances and testing my confidence more. I push myself to be a role model. I watch the great women around me to learn and grow even more.
Life is really good.
It just so happens that my birthday happens to fall on the same day that the Ottawa Senators are hosting a night in support of youth mental health initiatives in honour of Daron Richardson, who committed suicide a few months ago. I note this because fifteen years ago I could have been Daron. I considered killing myself and I don’t know what stopped me – maybe some part of me knew that I was meant to have a life.
I could have been Daron and I didn’t tell anyone – not until two or three years later when it started happening again. Now I do talk about it – I talk about how I felt back then and I talk about how I feel now because I’m still not ‘fixed’ and I probably never will be. Depression rears its ugly head every once in a while, I’m taking pills right now and I have been since shortly after the baby was born. The pills don’t fix everything, but they make it easier to fix things myself.
Life is good.