This weekend one of my friends referred to me as extroverted. I was taken aback. She corrected herself, saying maybe the descriptor she was looking for was self-confident.
I went home and told Joe about the conversation and he said “Yeah.” It all made sense to him.
I found this confusing because I have always considered myself shy. I have a hard time in groups of people, particularly when no one I know really well is around. I have a hard time making conversation, even with people I really like. Especially with people I really want to like me.
When I’m faceless online I find it much easier to be myself, the way I am when I’m around people I’ve known for a long time.
Except that maybe, just maybe, my online personality and my experience pushing myself out of my comfort zone over the past couple of years have pushed the online me into the real world.
Maybe, just maybe, this idea of being a person that I want my daughter to look up to has created a bit of a new me that got over being shy for the sake of being myself. Because my online self is who I am with the people I hold dear – the people who like me and care about me – it is a more confident me. And I like her. And since I’ve been blogging on been on Twitter everyone I meet in real life knows a lot more about her than they do about the shy girl who blended into the background in high school. Seriously, people used to walk into me in the hallways.
Is it possible that I became a whole new person without even realizing it? That I pushed myself out of my comfort zone without making myself that uncomfortable?
Is it possible that, as well as being therapeutic, my blog and my tweets have given me a real voice, not just a virtual one?
It would appear that I’ve done well for myself in this little space I’m carving out.