In 10 days we fly out for Christmas, when we come back we’ll celebrate New Years and then we’ll start transition the Baby Girl into daycare and then I’ll be back at work.

All of this is happening very, very quickly and I feel as though there’s just too much to do and I don’t know where to start. And panic sets in.

I’m desperate to find ways that will make life easier once we all have to get out of the house for the day.

This weekend I spent some time cleaning and re-arranging our kitchen a bit so that things make a bit more sense (and also to move more dangerous things to place where our now very mobile and drawer-opening baby can’t get to them).

I re-organized my closet so that work appropriate clothes are grouped together. I’m trying, as always, to rid the house of unwanted or unnecessary things (clothes I don’t wear, things we don’t use, toys the baby has grown out of). I’m trying to organize my recipes so that we can make quick meal plans and be eating healthy.

I’m doing everything I can to try to keep up, and right now it feels panicked. I feel a sort of desperation to be as organized as possible, to start getting back into work mode, to be myself again, but I don’t know how to define myself as a working mother. I had barely started defining myself as a career woman when I found out I was pregnant. The fact is, though, that I’m not very comfortable in the skin of the stay-at-home mom.

And once again, I seem to have reached a point in my life where I have no idea who I am supposed to be or how to get there, and every time I start thinking about the future and all the options and challenges ahead I feel knocked right on my ass.

So that’s where I am today, knocked on my ass and wondering where to start next.

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